Autumn is my favorite season, like most people who grew up in the midwest. The waning summer memories, the urgency of incoming frost, the reminder that life keeps going even when everything else is slowly dying.
I'm not sure where to start. I shushed my creative side for a little too long. It was a needed break, but it lasted longer than expected-- in part due to life circumstances and in part due to the pandemic. This past weekend, I played for a private birthday party, recorded two songs with my friend Tuck, and participated in Project DREW-- a personal favorite which involves sitting with a veteran, writing a song for them, and performing the song the following day. The weekend was exhausting, but also invigorating. I spend so much time these days working and studying that it's easy to forget my very essence. I love connecting with others through art. I love having even a sliver of impact in the healing process. Life is so damn hard. Sometimes, it’s only bearable in someone else’s presence.
Recently at work, I had to take a personality test which categorized me as a strategic analyzer. It's true most of the time, I enjoy observing others and finding better ways to show up for them. At work, my brain is equal parts left and right. I love data because it's translatable, but I also recognize that I use patterns to understand people, for better or for worse. I'm an expert in calculating people's next moves in order to make sense of the world around me. At home, it's a struggle because I'm all feelings. When the feelings don't make sense, I find myself trying to sort through them like data points. This dysfunction makes for a lot of conflicting thoughts and feelings, and lately, I find the only place for them to go is in a song or a poem. The good news is that the more time I spend creating, the more I find myself listening to music and podcasts in a whole new way. I feel more aware of my inner dialogue and my body in a way I didn’t in my previous lives, past relationships, and more importantly, in my twenties. Being in your thirties is powerful. I am so excited to be growing, and there is something extremely freeing about that feeling in a world that convinces women to despise aging.
I’m not sure how to end this. Stay in touch with me. Everyone reading this right now has impacted my life in some way, and I want you to know that I love you for it. I’ll be releasing new material soon. I hope it makes you feel something real.